I’m off to sunny Diss in Norfolk today, to talk to a potential new client. It’s always good to get new clients on a Monday, it sets you up for the week. I’m in a good mood today, despite being hot and bothered, and dreaming that I had slugs growing up my nose last night. The dream was so hideous that I decided to stay awake and lose at Yahtzee on my phone instead of trying to go back to sleep.
So here I am, in the sunshine, waiting for the 10.24, eavesdropping and wondering when the young couple sitting on the bench next to me will realise that their baby has done a monumentally smelly poo in his nappy. Because I’ve noticed. As has probably everyone else on the station. Please don’t sit too close to me on the train. I don’t deserve that. I’m a good person.
The pooey nappy reminds me of a story I heard about a dopey mum of a five year old who when she was asked why the child was still on nappies, replied “she’s shown no interest in her potty! ”
She probably thinks it’s an ornament. Sit her on the thing until the poo is forthcoming and she’ll soon get the picture. Poor baby will get mercilessly teased wearing nappies when she starts school. Like I was when I wet myself in the playground because a few girls were holding me down and tickling me to see what happened. I had to wear navy blue knickers from the lost property. I was only about six and I knew the true meaning of humiliation already.
Anyway, off I go to Diss to seek my fortune. Fingers crossed smelly nappy baby sits at the other end of the train and my negotiations go according to plan. Have a nice Monday!