Category Archives: Uncategorized

If you can’t say anything nice… 

This will just be a quickie as I’m really tired. Oh and I’ve been on the Sauvignon and my head is a bit woolly. 

I’m on a mission to be nice. Specifically to bring nice to social media. 

There’s so much mean around and there’s no need for it. You can say something nice to someone and really make their day,  how much better is that than bitching, bullying and pulling people to bits? 

I’m only human. I don’t like everyone in the public eye. Or at least I don’t like the way everyone is portrayed  they might be quite nice in real life. I make an exception for Katie Hopkins, she’s just vile, but most people are probably victims of their own PR. Oh and Donald Trump. I’m happy to be opinionated about him. 

I don’t always like the things I’m invited to like. I follow a lot of plus size bloggers and sometimes one of them will wear something I really hate. But the thing is, it’s all about personal taste. I’d never comment negatively, I prefer to zip it and only comment on what I like. Big people up, tell them they are fabulous and look awesome. How little effort does it take to compliment someone and how good do you think it makes them feel? 

I’m not about saying insincere nice things though. If I complement your blog  your look  your baby pictures or your art it’s only because I genuinely like it /them. Otherwise what’s the point?  But if I don’t like something, I won’t say anything. Because if you like it  you’re proud of it and it makes you happy, what would I gain from saying something mean?  Nothing. I hate to hurt people’s feelings. 

I think we should all adopt a policy of spreading some love online. Tell people you LOVE what they’re doing. Complement their hair, their kids, their blog posts, their iPhone photography ability. Be nice. Life is too short to bring each other down. 

And now I’m going to bed. Have a great weekend. 

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Ouch – the unglamorous story of my insides.

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Another morning seen in with the dawn chorus can only mean one thing. I dared to have a few glasses of wine last night and my stomach didn’t like it.

It’s not glamorous but my life has been blighted with IBS and acid reflux for at least 15-17 years.

The first time I remember getting heartburn was after a very indulgent two weeks house sitting for my late Aunt Wendy in Brighton in 1999. Not only did I pig out on chips and doughnuts, but she lived very close to an ASDA with a late night off licence and on site bakery.

My weight was probably an issue at the time too, I think I was nudging 14 stone, but otherwise a pretty healthy 28 year old.

The first time I realised I might have IBS was on holiday in Canada six years later. It had been a stressful few months for one reason and another and I started to notice that every time I ate breakfast, which I didn’t always do at home, I needed to run to the loo.

It wasn’t a MAJOR problem until I got divorced in 2008. My insides went into stress fuelled overdrive and when I could eat, after my appetite came back, I was in the loo straight afterwards. I remember a particularly horrible bus journey on holiday in Australia with my brother… I’ve never run so fast and prayed so hard the public loo was bearable!

I go through stages with IBS. Stress makes it unbearable and I live off Immodium for it. Another habit I’ve developed is adding codeine to the medication, so when it’s bad I’ll be on Solpadine and Immodium to keep it at bay. It’s a bitch of a condition, I never know when it’s going to be bad and I can get the telltale cramp that means I have to go NOW at any time.

I told you this wasn’t glamorous.

With the reflux, it started getting worse in about 2012. I’d struggle to work out (I was going to the gym regularly then) because as soon as I got moving the acid would gurgle up. If I was really unlucky I’d have an IBS attack too and have to cut the treadmill session short. You think I’m making it up?  Oh, I wish.

The doctor gave me medication for it which I’m still on. I would love to come off it, but the rebound is painful. I don’t dare do it unless my system is calm… And it’s not at the moment.

The stress of the last few years left me constantly medicating the problems. The reflux isn’t so bad unless I really overdo crap food and alcohol as the meds keep it at bay. The IBS is massively unpredictable and painful. The fact it’s IBS-D (work it out) also means it’s likely I’m not absorbing all the nutrients I should, which probably accounts for why I feel so bloody knackered half of the time. PPI meds for reflux also interfere with absorption of some vitamins.

I’ve been doing some reading and apparently IBS and reflux are also linked to joint aches and pains (tick)  headaches (tick) and lethargy (tick)

It’s got to the point where I want my life back. I’m sick of knowing that if I indulge in a nice meal and wine, I’ll have a restless night, stomach pains and have to either dose up on Immodium or spend the next day in close proximity to the toilet.

My plan, difficult as it’s going to be, is to soothe my insides with a combination of diet, exercise, stress relief and… Intermittent fasting!

The first steps are the hardest. Two weeks with zero wheat, dairy, caffeine (no coffee????) or alcohol. Just to see what happens  to my symptoms. At the same time, two days on 500 calories a day or thereabouts, to give my digestive system a rest.

I could really do with some cheerleading; it’s not a diet and it’s not about weight loss but it’s going to be restrictive which is a red flag for me. Still, it’s just two weeks to see if it makes a difference. If it does, I’ll probably want to carry on just for the relief!

Sorry if this one’s been TMI. It’s 4.27 am, I probably should try and sleep. Just need to get to the bathroom…

Seriously, WTF?

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I try to stay positive. I like being positive, it’s where I want to aim for with my mood. Sometimes I miss, but that’s OK.

Anyone who has the Internet or a TV knows that 2016 has been a bitch of a year. We’ve lost some gorgeous people, talented, clever, kind and funny people, the likes of which we’re unlikely to see again.

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It sucks, but at least we can comfort ourselves with the knowledge that they lived. And their deaths, sad and unexpected as they were, were mostly unfortunate fate, or illness.

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2016 just feels so sad, and I’m so angry right now. I’m finding it hard to watch the news these days; I have done for a few years now. Terror attacks – Brussels and Orlando. Why?  Why the effing hell do complete maniacs do it?  I suppose the answer is; they are complete maniacs. Don’t start on religion because massacre isn’t a religious thing  it’s an ego thing. These fcukwits actually think they are doing something honorable by massacring completely innocent people. That’s not religion, it’s totally fcuking madness. Evil. Whatever you want to call it.

How in God’s, Allah’s, or the Flying Spaghetti Monster’s name can it ever EVER be honourable to murder people out having fun in a gay club, just because you don’t like seeing men kissing, and have an issue with homosexuality?  For the record, I have no issues whatsoever with men kissing men, or women kissing women. There’s not enough love in this world, celebrate the hell out of it wherever you see it, is my feeling on the issue.

Why murder people just going about their business?  Or on a Tunisian beach?  Or at a rock concert? Shopping? People just enjoying their lives, having fun, not hurting a soul. It’s a sickness, a deep deep sickness in their soul  one that normal people just can’t comprehend.

But for me, it’s not even just about that. 2016 has such a feeling of negativity about it, a lot of people I know feel the same way and are working hard in their own way to try and make things better but it’s like an overwhelming tide of sewage flowing through a pretty garden; the shit covers up all the flowers.

The politics of 2016 is divisive and nasty. Brexit. Will I be glad to see the back of that referendum?  If you’re for leaving, that’s your prerogative… I’m firmly in the remain camp. But why so nasty?  Not you, personally, I’m sure you’re lovely. But the level of hostility and nastiness I’ve seen on TV, social media and everywhere just makes me sad. Disagree by all means but enough of the fighting. The people I associate with Brexit are Nigel Farage and his merry UKIP band of negative, xenophobic, misogynistic scaremongerers, Boris “I will be PM even if I have to make up statistics on the EU” Johnson, Far Right politician Marine Le Pen from France, and of course, Donald Trump.

Oh God, the Trump. A man so hateful that he used the murder of 60-plus innocent people this weekend to push his anti Islamic agenda “We’ll have no Muslims allowed into the USA” and claim victory on Twitter, thanking people for congratulating him on his stance. He also took the opportunity to make the bizarre claim that if MORE of the people in the Pulse nightclub had been armed, there wouldn’t have been so many deaths.

Really?  Quite apart from the ethics of letting any frigging idiot with a grudge have a gun in the first place, how exactly would being armed have helped the people in that club?  They didn’t realise what the noise was until people started falling after being shot. They were in a club. Probably had a few drinks. Maybe popped a pill. It was dark. They were confused and terrified. Just give ‘em all guns and that’ll solve the problem, right, Donald?

How about you stop treating deadly weapons like status symbols, introduce effective controls on who is allowed to have them, and ban people from buying powerful killing machines?  Arming hundreds of people in a club wouldn’t have prevented the tragedy.

NOT fcuking arming the homophobic toss piece that decided on a whim to murder innocent people  now THAT might have avoided the carnage.

Sorry if this isn’t my usual cheery, think positive post but I’m angry. I try to tell myself the world is full of amazing people (it is) but these are testing times and pretending this awful stuff isn’t going on is getting impossible. I love this world. I truly believe that there’s so much beauty in the world, so much good in people and that there has to be a way to pull together and out positive all the shitty things that bring us down. But how?  What can we do?

The Dalai Lama said “The world will be saved by Western women”  – that’s a big responsibility!  But maybe, just maybe, he had a point. 

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Healthy breakfast with muesli in glass, fresh berries and yogurt

New Beginnings

Getting healthy with gorgeously full fat

So the dust has settled, the boys have gone back to Australia and there’s really no excuse for me not to get down to doing what I promised Dad I would do a few months before he died. Sort my life out. Especially my health.

Before you all groan at the fact I’m supposed to be anti-diet and hate weight loss, Dad knew me better than most and he knew for a long time that I wasn’t happy about my body and health. I’m not going to make apologies for wanting to sort my body out – it’s been seriously neglected of late and it’s protesting very much. Moley also had a bit of a health scare recently; thankfully there’s nothing serious going on but he’s just as out of condition as I am and it’s about time we started to make the most of ourselves, look after ourselves and enjoy our life a bit more than we have been recently.

I’ve made a HUGE decision. I’m going to lose five stone in weight. I’m being sponsored by my family to raise a large amount of money for St Elizabeth’s Hospice, in Ipswich,  and I’m giving myself until the end of 2016 to get there.

PS: If you’d like to sponsor me too, please do, the hospice is a very deserving cause…

I love my social life and eating/drinking with friends way too much to eat rabbit food for months on end and with everything I know about food, weight and diets, telling myself I was going on a strict regime would just scare the pants off me and make everyone else laugh.

All I’m going to do is stop eating the crap I don’t really even want, just because I’m bored, stressed or fed up. Working at home and being less than 20 feet from the fridge at all times means that whenever I run out of words or ideas, I hot foot it into the kitchen and end up eating crisps or junk food – a lot of the time, I don’t even really enjoy them.

Nothing is banned. I can still drink wine and go out for dinner. If I desperately want a slice of cake I can have one and enjoy it but I’m really starting to want to look after my health now. And even when I lose all that weight, I’ll still be plus size. Just fitter & healthier.

I’m really looking forward to starting my new job soon, and I want to be on top form, not battling with IBS and reflux all the time. I just want to feel like me again, and not like I’m lugging around extra bits of me that someone stuck on when I wasn’t looking.

I’m not going wheat-free, dairy-free or sugar free. I’m not doing high fat low carb or Paleo. I won’t be going anywhere near a slimming class and I’m not cutting out anything. I’m getting a grip on my eating habits, upping my fitness and taking care of myself, that’s all. But just for the hell of it, I did bake a banana cake today and it tasted so good I had to take a picture and show off a bit.

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(I’m not usually much good at baking…AND I did it with Stevia so I wasn’t convinced it would work….)

Here’s me at the start of the quest. Not exactly looking great but I’m the world’s worst at taking pics.

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I took this yesterday in the hotel we stayed at in Brighton, which will be getting a blog post all of its own later. I was just out of the shower and the naff hotel didn’t have a hairdryer…

I’m going to be posting on Instagram as well, I’m SarahClark1971 over there if you want to keep up with me.

Dad….this is for you.

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This Woman Was Breathless Walking Around The Shops. What She Did Next Will Make You Gasp!

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It won’t really. I just fancied writing a blog title that sounded like clickbait!

I can put your mind at rest if you were thinking that my sudden breathless episode was a Kettle Chip and cheese related heart attack. Nope, it was a wine and party food related gastritis episode which has gone now. The next morning I got up and went for a walk, did three miles or so in zero temperatures and I was perfectly fine.

No more wine or vol au vents for a while. Well, maybe on Wednesday night…

I couldn’t sleep last night and I planned to write a “day in the life” type post about what it’s really like being fat, when you live a normal kind of life and not a tabloid imagined gorge fest.

So here’s today, warts and all. The reasons I want to get healthy again… This isn’t a whine and I’m not beating myself up. This is just how it is.

Do I really have to get out of bed?

I fully intended to hitch a lift to the gym with Moley at 7am. Had gym stuff all laid out. Then I didn’t sleep til about 2.30 and by 7am getting out into -3 cold and frost wasn’t top of my to do list. I stayed in bed a bit longer instead.

The first thing I do every day when I wake up is take a Lanzoprazole pill. These are for the gastritis and mostly they keep it under control. I really want to come off them as I think they make my IBS worse and I don’t want to be on them for the rest of my days! For now I’m taking them though. I phoned another prescription in this morning because if I run out and don’t take them I get terrible rebound pains that hurt so much I have to lie down and stay still for up to two hours. That’s boring.

I whizz up a pre gym protein shake for breakfast… My first one. Got them from Juice plus, the vanilla one is quite nice actually. Was expecting to grimace a bit.

Putting on my gym outfit meant issues. My sports bra won’t do up anymore, partly because I’ve put on weight, partly because it’s knackered and partly down to hormones making me go up a bra size. No running on the treadmill for me today then. I did feel a bit relieved, I hate running. Putting trainers on always means breathing in as my tummy gets in the way. Part of the logistics of being fat is finding ways to do things up or get things on and off while breathing in and squishing the fat bits.

Fat girl in gym session shocker…

I get the bus into the town and then walk the 15-20 minutes to the gym. Heard a Hi energy class going on as I walked in, really wished I had the fitness and coordination for it. I’ve done a few classes but even things like yogalates are hard for me, I can’t hold all the poses and I struggle to support my weight on one arm!

The gym was OK. I usually zone out with the iPod but I noticed a skinny girl giving me that look, the one you get when you’re fat and doing something skinny people do. I ignored it, and then shot the fat girl who sat next to me on the stationary bikes a look of solidarity…

Ten minutes into my cycling, my abdomen goes into spasm with no warning and I have to stop for a bit, concentrate hard and once the spasm subsides carry on. That’s IBS! I’m used to it and grit my teeth on the bike; at least I’m sitting down! It puts paid to the idea of finishing with 10 minutes on the cross trainer though… I wait until there nobody about in the changing room and… Well TMI. I don’t want to risk getting caught out on the walk back into town…

I look at myself in the gym mirror… Can’t help wishing my t shirt fitted better. I spent too much time pulling it down every time it rode up. When I wasn’t trying to ignore my knees hitting my squishy tum. Which gets in the way, as it does on the leg press too. And the back extension.

“Are you looking at my basket? “

In town I pop to get a few bits and as usual part of me always thinks I’m judged on what’s in my basket. OK so today it was eggs, bacon, low fat sausages, mushrooms, broccoli and butternut squash. But it isn’t always! I’m sure nobody gives a crap what I’m buying but if there’s crisps and goodies on there I almost expect a tut.

I get the bus home, put the drying on, make lunch, call the Spa to arrange my trip that Moley treated me to for Christmas, and decide that the windows look filthy so I’m going to clean them. Hmm. I have to reach across furniture to get to them and when I do the outside I have to reach up and scrub. The decision to clean the windows aggravates my back and my shoulder. I decide to have a shower and leave the hoovering till tomorrow.

I fire up the laptop to do some admin, I’m not supposed to be working but I have unpaid invoices I need to follow up and I planned to start working on ideas for my writing business next year, as they were keeping me awake last night. I realise I’m sitting at an awkward angle and my back starts aching but there’s stuff all I can do as there’s no room for a better desk in our flat. I dream of a decent size house!!

My confirmation email comes through for the spa day, do I want a normal or XL robe? I tick XL. And book a massage…

So many bras, so little choice

I finally make progress on the work stuff and also sign up as a distributor for juice plus. Yay! I decide to look for a sports bra online. Over 1000 bras, only 9 sports bras in my size. Both the ones I like are out of stock. I go for my third choice and that’s going to cost me £40 and take 14 days…

I cook tea when Moley gets home. Haven’t felt too much like hoovering up Christmas chocolates today, and dinner is mostly the butternut squash and broccoli I bought earlier, plus some chicken. I do give in to a few Lindt balls later. Damn they are good.

I try to read “Wheat Belly” later, as someone had told me her IBS and gastritis cleared up after giving up wheat and sugar. Toying with trying wheat free, just to see if it helps. The IBS settled this afternoon, sometimes it does, other times I resort to immodium. I try not to take the pills too often.

I’m knackered by 9.30 and in bed by 10, writing this before I forget. Really tired now. That’s what 4.5 hours sleep does to my brain.

Gorgeously Full Fat and knackered

That’s my day. My starting point for getting healthy. I don’t have anything seriously wrong but what I do have impacts on my daily life and I don’t want it to anymore…. It’s also an exercise in how much my weight affects me in little ways all the time. It doesn’t stop me doing things but it affects how I do them. It surprised me if I’m honest. that even someone like me who’s plus size positive actually thinks about things like what strangers in shops and gyms think of me. Guess I need a boost of confidence too…

I’d love to know if any of this resonates with you??

Night night xx

Whoops!

Please ignore my last post!

I was experimenting for another novel…I’m writing another tentative novel and trying to brain dump some ideas for it….and I kind of added it to the wrong blog when it should have been added to the private one I’m using for ideas!

All my blogs are being moved around as part of a new project so things are getting confusing.

Oops!

Double the fun

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Look what I’ve got!

Downloaded it at the weekend and it’s going to be the next stage in my master plan.

Viva Voluptuous is out on Friday, I’m in the middle of writing “The Lazy Girl’s Guide to Writing Your Book”  and I’m using the latest masterpiece from the Amazing Biz and Life Academy to get my writing biz back on track and in synch with my Gorgeously Full Fat brand.

Busy times. If you need me, I’ll be the one in the corner with my nose in an ebook.

Wish me luck with Viva Voluptuous!

Full Fat Fashion

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It worked! Looks like I’m getting to the Plus Size Fashion Weekend in London after all! I have to confess I’m feeling a wee bit nervous about it, hoping there will be some fabulous plus size fashion bloggers there, some of the women I’ve charted to on Twitter and mentioned on the blog.

I’ll be reporting back after the event, hopefully I’ll get some fab pics and a heads up on what’s going to be hot in 2014, with independents along with the big names like Evans and Simply Be. I can’t wait for the fashion show.

The press day is on Friday, where you’ll no doubt find me trying on, or at the very least, lusting after, some of the hottest plus size designs for 2014. If you’re going to be there, give me a shot and let’s compare notes over a glass of bubbly. See you there!