Monthly Archives: September 2015

Healthy breakfast with muesli in glass, fresh berries and yogurt

New Beginnings

Getting healthy with gorgeously full fat

So the dust has settled, the boys have gone back to Australia and there’s really no excuse for me not to get down to doing what I promised Dad I would do a few months before he died. Sort my life out. Especially my health.

Before you all groan at the fact I’m supposed to be anti-diet and hate weight loss, Dad knew me better than most and he knew for a long time that I wasn’t happy about my body and health. I’m not going to make apologies for wanting to sort my body out – it’s been seriously neglected of late and it’s protesting very much. Moley also had a bit of a health scare recently; thankfully there’s nothing serious going on but he’s just as out of condition as I am and it’s about time we started to make the most of ourselves, look after ourselves and enjoy our life a bit more than we have been recently.

I’ve made a HUGE decision. I’m going to lose five stone in weight. I’m being sponsored by my family to raise a large amount of money for St Elizabeth’s Hospice, in Ipswich,  and I’m giving myself until the end of 2016 to get there.

PS: If you’d like to sponsor me too, please do, the hospice is a very deserving cause…

I love my social life and eating/drinking with friends way too much to eat rabbit food for months on end and with everything I know about food, weight and diets, telling myself I was going on a strict regime would just scare the pants off me and make everyone else laugh.

All I’m going to do is stop eating the crap I don’t really even want, just because I’m bored, stressed or fed up. Working at home and being less than 20 feet from the fridge at all times means that whenever I run out of words or ideas, I hot foot it into the kitchen and end up eating crisps or junk food – a lot of the time, I don’t even really enjoy them.

Nothing is banned. I can still drink wine and go out for dinner. If I desperately want a slice of cake I can have one and enjoy it but I’m really starting to want to look after my health now. And even when I lose all that weight, I’ll still be plus size. Just fitter & healthier.

I’m really looking forward to starting my new job soon, and I want to be on top form, not battling with IBS and reflux all the time. I just want to feel like me again, and not like I’m lugging around extra bits of me that someone stuck on when I wasn’t looking.

I’m not going wheat-free, dairy-free or sugar free. I’m not doing high fat low carb or Paleo. I won’t be going anywhere near a slimming class and I’m not cutting out anything. I’m getting a grip on my eating habits, upping my fitness and taking care of myself, that’s all. But just for the hell of it, I did bake a banana cake today and it tasted so good I had to take a picture and show off a bit.

20150907_141423

(I’m not usually much good at baking…AND I did it with Stevia so I wasn’t convinced it would work….)

Here’s me at the start of the quest. Not exactly looking great but I’m the world’s worst at taking pics.

Starting pic

I took this yesterday in the hotel we stayed at in Brighton, which will be getting a blog post all of its own later. I was just out of the shower and the naff hotel didn’t have a hairdryer…

I’m going to be posting on Instagram as well, I’m SarahClark1971 over there if you want to keep up with me.

Dad….this is for you.

140416 Dad

Dad

140416 Dad

So my last post was almost two months ago…I guess you can probably tell that there’s been a lot going on, and in all honesty I haven’t had the time, energy or inclination to sit and write blog posts because I’ve just not been in the mood for it.

Dad died on 11 August.

Yes, we had well over two years to prepare for it, but you never think it’s going to happen. Especially if your dad fought like mine did to stay around. I still think he’s going to surprise us all by having another miraculous recovery, that yesterday’s funeral was all a bad dream and he’ll be back in that chair dispensing anecdotes and words of wisdom again one day.

Only, he won’t.

I thought I’d feel better once the funeral was over as I’d been dreading that day so much. It was the saddest I have ever felt. His funeral was in two parts; the crematorium which was absolutely hideous but mercifully very short, and the service at his old church where friends and family all came to celebrate his life rather than mourn his death. The church was full, he had so many friends and people who wanted to say goodbye. He would have been pretty chuffed to see the turn out, and hear the lovely things people said about him.

My brother and I both wrote eulogies for him, and we tried to keep it light-hearted because he said he didn’t want misery, he wanted people to have a laugh, and remember him with a smile. I hope I did him proud. I wasn’t sure I’d manage it – thought I might make a show of myself and not be able to say it all, but luckily I did.

The thing is, I feel even sadder today. I don’t know why. Maybe it’s the thought of my brother and his husband flying back to Australia tomorrow and knowing I won’t see them for possibly two years. Maybe it’s the finality of everything – we’ve all been so focused on Dad for so long, how he is, whether he’s up or down, whether he’s in or out of the hospice, what the doctors are saying, then the funeral…it’s left a big space in more ways than one. I miss him so much. I never thought it was possible to feel emotions I did in his last days at the hospice, on the one hand just wishing he would let go and be at peace, on the other hand selfishly just wanting him to stay around a little bit longer because I wasn’t ready to lose him quite yet.

The last time I spoke to him properly was three days before he died. He was telling us to pray for him to go peacefully, and talking to me and my sister about the book he’d left for me with his life story questions in it. He was even being cheeky about the nurses and having a bit of a laugh. That’s how I wanted to remember him, and it’s how I will remember him. He passed away peacefully, with Mum by his side, in the St Elizabeth’s Hospice in Ipswich. He wasn’t in pain, and had been asleep for a couple of days, but we had all been sitting with him, talking to and about him, laughing and joking about the good times and silly things we’d done together. I know I saw his eyebrows go up a few times and I swear he almost smiled at one point.

His last wish for me was that I would sort out my health. So I promised him that I would. Right now, I’m still getting my head around everything, but once I’m back to myself again, I’ll be doing that, for you, Dad.

So…RIP my lovely Dad. You were there for all of us when we needed you, I love you, and I hope I was there for you when you needed me too. Gone, but never forgotten…

PS: I’m going to be raising money however I can for the hospice – it’s such an amazing place. If you feel moved to make a donation, if you knew Dad or just know a good cause when you see it, you can donate here:

http://peter.clark.muchloved.com/