Monthly Archives: December 2014

gorgeously full fat

This Woman Was Breathless Walking Around The Shops. What She Did Next Will Make You Gasp!

gorgeously full fat


It won’t really. I just fancied writing a blog title that sounded like clickbait!

I can put your mind at rest if you were thinking that my sudden breathless episode was a Kettle Chip and cheese related heart attack. Nope, it was a wine and party food related gastritis episode which has gone now. The next morning I got up and went for a walk, did three miles or so in zero temperatures and I was perfectly fine.

No more wine or vol au vents for a while. Well, maybe on Wednesday night…

I couldn’t sleep last night and I planned to write a “day in the life” type post about what it’s really like being fat, when you live a normal kind of life and not a tabloid imagined gorge fest.

So here’s today, warts and all. The reasons I want to get healthy again… This isn’t a whine and I’m not beating myself up. This is just how it is.

Do I really have to get out of bed?

I fully intended to hitch a lift to the gym with Moley at 7am. Had gym stuff all laid out. Then I didn’t sleep til about 2.30 and by 7am getting out into -3 cold and frost wasn’t top of my to do list. I stayed in bed a bit longer instead.

The first thing I do every day when I wake up is take a Lanzoprazole pill. These are for the gastritis and mostly they keep it under control. I really want to come off them as I think they make my IBS worse and I don’t want to be on them for the rest of my days! For now I’m taking them though. I phoned another prescription in this morning because if I run out and don’t take them I get terrible rebound pains that hurt so much I have to lie down and stay still for up to two hours. That’s boring.

I whizz up a pre gym protein shake for breakfast… My first one. Got them from Juice plus, the vanilla one is quite nice actually. Was expecting to grimace a bit.

Putting on my gym outfit meant issues. My sports bra won’t do up anymore, partly because I’ve put on weight, partly because it’s knackered and partly down to hormones making me go up a bra size. No running on the treadmill for me today then. I did feel a bit relieved, I hate running. Putting trainers on always means breathing in as my tummy gets in the way. Part of the logistics of being fat is finding ways to do things up or get things on and off while breathing in and squishing the fat bits.

Fat girl in gym session shocker…

I get the bus into the town and then walk the 15-20 minutes to the gym. Heard a Hi energy class going on as I walked in, really wished I had the fitness and coordination for it. I’ve done a few classes but even things like yogalates are hard for me, I can’t hold all the poses and I struggle to support my weight on one arm!

The gym was OK. I usually zone out with the iPod but I noticed a skinny girl giving me that look, the one you get when you’re fat and doing something skinny people do. I ignored it, and then shot the fat girl who sat next to me on the stationary bikes a look of solidarity…

Ten minutes into my cycling, my abdomen goes into spasm with no warning and I have to stop for a bit, concentrate hard and once the spasm subsides carry on. That’s IBS! I’m used to it and grit my teeth on the bike; at least I’m sitting down! It puts paid to the idea of finishing with 10 minutes on the cross trainer though… I wait until there nobody about in the changing room and… Well TMI. I don’t want to risk getting caught out on the walk back into town…

I look at myself in the gym mirror… Can’t help wishing my t shirt fitted better. I spent too much time pulling it down every time it rode up. When I wasn’t trying to ignore my knees hitting my squishy tum. Which gets in the way, as it does on the leg press too. And the back extension.

“Are you looking at my basket? “

In town I pop to get a few bits and as usual part of me always thinks I’m judged on what’s in my basket. OK so today it was eggs, bacon, low fat sausages, mushrooms, broccoli and butternut squash. But it isn’t always! I’m sure nobody gives a crap what I’m buying but if there’s crisps and goodies on there I almost expect a tut.

I get the bus home, put the drying on, make lunch, call the Spa to arrange my trip that Moley treated me to for Christmas, and decide that the windows look filthy so I’m going to clean them. Hmm. I have to reach across furniture to get to them and when I do the outside I have to reach up and scrub. The decision to clean the windows aggravates my back and my shoulder. I decide to have a shower and leave the hoovering till tomorrow.

I fire up the laptop to do some admin, I’m not supposed to be working but I have unpaid invoices I need to follow up and I planned to start working on ideas for my writing business next year, as they were keeping me awake last night. I realise I’m sitting at an awkward angle and my back starts aching but there’s stuff all I can do as there’s no room for a better desk in our flat. I dream of a decent size house!!

My confirmation email comes through for the spa day, do I want a normal or XL robe? I tick XL. And book a massage…

So many bras, so little choice

I finally make progress on the work stuff and also sign up as a distributor for juice plus. Yay! I decide to look for a sports bra online. Over 1000 bras, only 9 sports bras in my size. Both the ones I like are out of stock. I go for my third choice and that’s going to cost me £40 and take 14 days…

I cook tea when Moley gets home. Haven’t felt too much like hoovering up Christmas chocolates today, and dinner is mostly the butternut squash and broccoli I bought earlier, plus some chicken. I do give in to a few Lindt balls later. Damn they are good.

I try to read “Wheat Belly” later, as someone had told me her IBS and gastritis cleared up after giving up wheat and sugar. Toying with trying wheat free, just to see if it helps. The IBS settled this afternoon, sometimes it does, other times I resort to immodium. I try not to take the pills too often.

I’m knackered by 9.30 and in bed by 10, writing this before I forget. Really tired now. That’s what 4.5 hours sleep does to my brain.

Gorgeously Full Fat and knackered

That’s my day. My starting point for getting healthy. I don’t have anything seriously wrong but what I do have impacts on my daily life and I don’t want it to anymore…. It’s also an exercise in how much my weight affects me in little ways all the time. It doesn’t stop me doing things but it affects how I do them. It surprised me if I’m honest. that even someone like me who’s plus size positive actually thinks about things like what strangers in shops and gyms think of me. Guess I need a boost of confidence too…

I’d love to know if any of this resonates with you??

Night night xx


Writing the book


So how was your Christmas?

Mine has been lovely. Family, friends, presents, food, drink, more wine, more food, more chocolate… I’m beached.

I should be off to sleep now but I’ve had stuff rattling around in my brain and I think it needs to get out. I worried myself today. I went into the town with Moley and I was caught out by breathlessness. I found it so hard to get my breath, and yeah I know it was cold, and I was walking quite fast up a slight incline, but it was horrible.

I’ve also had palpitations and dizziness in the last few months. I’m sure it’s nothing; it’s been a stressful year. But I do need to sort it out.

So upgrade 2015 is still being planned. I remember a while ago I was looking in the shops and online for a really good, comprehensive guide to getting healthy, and there just isn’t one. Of course there’s a gazillion diet books, fitness books, books on positive thinking, yoga or nutrition. There nothing for the forty something who just wants to feel better though. Just as well I’m a writer then eh?

I’m still not sure how I’ll do it but I am going to talk about it here and hopefully you can keep me on track?

I’m two weeks and three days into taking the Juice Plus and it’s done amazing things to my skin, so much so that I’ve got Moley taking them for his lifelong eczema too, and they are having a good effect after just a week. I’ll start myself on the protein shakes in the new year, I got a free sample of those and they are supposed to give you lots of energy. There’s a diet and fitness plan too but I’m not really interested in that.

I’m probably going to start distributing the products too. I’m a bit wary because I know someone else who has started selling them, and is posting a lot about it on Facebook…and I feel weird about using my blog to promote stuff.

I wouldn’t do it unless I believed they worked, and I’m someone who has taken so many different supplements over time it’s ridiculous. I’m also crap at sales. I got sacked from Peter Lord shoe shop in Ipswich when I was a 15 year old Saturday girl, for not selling my target number of shoe polishes and insoles, every month. I was great at getting the squirmy kids to sit still and have their feet measured but selling shoe cream? Not so much.

It doesn’t cost much to join the scheme and ideally I’m supposed to recruit others but I’d mainly be doing it to get mine a bit cheaper.

Anyway, it’s late and I’m waffling. Today did scare the crap out of me though.I hate feeling unfit so it’s back to the gym for me on Monday. The time has come to start looking after myself. And writing the book I really wanted to read…

Night all…

PS: Writing this on a tablet, in the dark, at almost midnight had definitely given me some laughs with the predictive text. If you spot a typo I’ve missed, you’ll know why!

Dwarf Russian Hamster (Phodopus sungorus) in a Father Christmas hat

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

Dwarf Russian Hamster (Phodopus sungorus) in a Father Christmas hat

Yep, it’s time for the annual soppy Christmas post from me. I’ve got the Christmas playlist on, the tree is surrounded by presents, the mince pies and Baileys are waiting and I’ve managed not to open the second box of Toblerone tinies yet, so that’s a result.

I’m not going to waffle on in this post, I just wanted to say a big Merry Christmas to you all, thank you for your support (even though I have lost so many followers since the blog moved hosts…boo, hiss) and just send huge amounts of love out there to everyone (I haven’t started the Baileys, honest.)

I was listening to quite possibly the BEST EVER Christmas song earlier and it made me well up. No, it wasn’t “The little boy that Santa Claus forgot” although that gets me every time as well. It wasn’t even “Happy Christmas (War is over)” which always makes me cry because, well, we know it isn’t, and some asshole shot John Lennon.

But it was “Wombling Merry Christmas”

I know.

But there’s a reason. I thought it was because it reminded me of being little and made me well up with nostalgia for the time when I couldn’t sleep on Christmas Eve. But no, I realised that the reason I get emotional when I hear that quite frankly extremely silly song is that it reminds me of how much love there is in my family.

In 2008 I moved back to Ipswich after my marriage went belly up. It was my first Christmas without a partner since I was 17, which was 20 years before. I was over at my parents’ house on Christmas Eve, getting very merry. I’d seen my best mate that afternoon, the one I hadn’t been allowed to see for years by my ex, we’d swapped pressies, watched The Polar Express while stuffing out on Christmas sweets and then he’d dropped me at mum’s, come in for a sausage roll or three (her sausage rolls are the stuff of legend) and then me, Mum and Dad had sat around moaning about Christmas TV for a while before getting the old Christmas records out and drinking more wine.

Mum remembered that we still had the old vinyl singles they’d collected for me when I was really little, all the Wombles songs. Yes, Wombling Merry Christmas was there, so we dug it out and out it on. At this point, it was getting quite late and we were both well lubricated, so as Dad looked on with a “The women in my family are all completely nuts” look on his face, as Mum and I launched into a not quite word-perfect version of the song at the top of our voices, laughing our heads off.

In that silly, daft moment, I was back home. Christmas was here. The horrible year I’d had was forgotten. I had my life back.

So now, whenever I hear that song, it’s me and Mum, full to the brim with Chardonnay, singing like nobody is listening.

That’s what Christmas is about for me. Love, silliness, family, and letting go.

Have this one on me…MERRY CHRISTMAS!!


Upgrade 2015


I was writing this post in my head at about 12.30 am while my beloved Moley was sleeping and snoring beside me. I just couldn’t be bothered to get out of my warm spot at that time of the morning to write it, no matter how full of ideas I was.

It’s been all go around here. We haven’t been on any more disastrous trips to places we don’t know, and I didn’t get a refund on my tickets for the Glam Rock thingy, which by all accounts was quite a spectacle. I think we can safely say we’ve crossed Derby off of our to-visit-again list.

Some of you might know that I’ve joined Damsels in Success? It’s a networking group for ‘high-vibrational women’ – basically the kind of place where you get to network your business but also talk about life, love and all things positive. They had a kick-ass seminar - IGNITE - in Birmingham on 22nd – 23rd November and I went along…had an amazing time and left feeling utterly overwhelmed and a little bit ‘whoa’ after some pretty amazing speakers. Including the awe-inspiring Claire Lomas whose single handed determination to stay fit despite being paralysed from the chest down in a riding accident put my “I can’t go to the gym, it;s too cold” in its place.


I also loved Carly Hope who just has a total air of positivity about her, and a cute as a button Brummie accent that makes you warm to her even more. Carly walked out of a nice, safe bank job and decided to change her life…she’s now living the dream in Lanzarote, making shit-loads of money from teaching other women to do what she did.

I came back inspired and I’ve made a decision; this time next year I’m not going to be selling myself short, getting paid less than I’m worth and dealing with clients who mess me about. I want to be working as few hours as possible for as much moolah as I can, which involves a massive shift in how I work. With the help of the fantastic ladies in my Damsels group, I’m going to be offering packages to a select few businesses to help them sort out their own copy writing and social media. Then, the plan is going to be to start membership groups, training courses and webinars so that instead of working my backside off writing like a mad woman day in day out and wearing myself out, I’ll be writing webinars and courses that I can sell to loads of people at once.

I’ve already got rid of a couple of dodgy clients this year, and the people I’m left with are all lovely. I just don’t want to be in this position this time next year, juggling pennies, and living in a one bedroom flat that’s too small. I want my Victorian cottage and I’m bloody well going to have it. I’m spending Christmas/New Year week studying courses and business training and I will have my first survey/online Q&A and Mastermind group up and running by January. I promise.

I’m also sorting my health out. I’ve signed up for Juice Plus, which is a supplement made from a blend of 26 fruits and veggies. It’s quite pricey, but I’m trying it for four months and if it does what it’s done for other people, for me, I’ll be a convert and quite possibly wanting to sell it myself. I’ve been taking them for just over a week now, and no word of a lie, my discoid eczema has cleared up. I’ve had it on and off for many years, intensely itchy patches of eczema which flare up on my arms, legs, feet and shoulders, and drive me crazy. They usually take a week, maybe two or three sometimes, to clear up, and I have to put steroid cream on them daily which is a bit rubbish.

juice plus

I don’t have ANY patches at the moment and I did a week ago. I haven’t been putting anything on them, either, as I had hardly any ointment left and it’s practically impossible to get hold of at the moment.

I still have the contact dermatitis on my hands but that’s really stubborn, and might take a bit longer. I’m really, really impressed. I can’t remember the last time I didn’t have any itchy patches on my skin.

The intensive nutrition is also meant to help digestive problems like IBS, and it cleared up arthritis in a woman who was threatened with having to have her joints fused before she started taking the supplements! It would be fab to get shot of my shoulder tendinitis too.

In the new year I’m due to be having some Facial Reflexology and/or Kinesiology from Mairead, a fabulous holistic therapist who thinks she can help sort out my reflux and IBS. We were going to do it before Christmas but I think it might have been a bit too scary to stop taking the medication just before the fattiest, sugariest and booziest week of the year! I’ll let you know how that goes, too.

Facial reflexology

So, that’s my life upgrade for 2015.

I did have lots more to say but this post is long enough already so I’ll save it. That’ll learn me to write blog posts a bit more often, won’t it?

If I don’t get round to it before Christmas, have a fabulous time and I’ll talk to you more in the New Year I promise. Next year I’m getting my Full Fat Life with bells on…