I’m an overeater.
Yep, I’m holding my hands up and admitting that despite everything I’ve said in Gorgeously Full Fat, I also said I was a work in progress, and in the last year or so, not very much progress has been made!
I could bore you with the gory details but let’s just go for ‘Things have been a bit tricky’ and leave it there. I feel like I’ve gone backwards, especially as a year or so of not quite getting it led to some of last year’s summer wardrobe feeling a tad snug, which in turn led to the realisation that my aching knees were probably protesting because of the weight gain, and I scurried back to Slimming World. I thought if I did it ‘my way’ and didn’t take it too seriously I could handle it, but I stomped out of there in a bad mood a month or so ago, remembering that no, diets still don’t work, and now I’ve had to try and placate my poor brain, as it thinks I’m going to be starving the rest of me again soon and is busy making me want to eat frankly quite disgusting things that I’d otherwise turn my nose up at just in case I start looking at the slimming club posters again and thinking “Well, maybe this time…”
It was just after I stormed out of Slimming World for definitely, absolutely the last time that I got the email through about the Beyond Chocolate workshops in October. I’ve flirted with the idea of Beyond Chocolate before, but I’ve read the books and shied away from the actions because there’s a defiant stroppy teenager inside me who is REALLY fed up with being stressed and obsessed with food, and just wants to stop thinking about it, instead of navel gazing and trying to work out why she eats things like Monster Munch when she really doesn’t even enjoy them after about three crisps (are they crisps? Or paws? or bits of monster? I don’t know, but you get my drift.)
The description for the workshops was pretty enticing though so I signed up. There are two – one of the Beyond Chocolate approach to healthy eating, and one on body confidence. I have to hold my paw up and confess that I’m currently struggling with both. Healthy eating is rammed down our throats all day every day. If we actually listened to every bit of advice we’re given, we wouldn’t eat anything at all. I KNOW this, but it doesn’t stop me over analysing everything I eat, Monster Munch included, and beating myself for not being healthy enough. Yeah, I might wish I was Ella Woodward, the award winning 20-something food blogger of Deliciously Ella, who wins awards for her beautifully photographed, scrumptious sounding super healthy food. Unfortunately, my diet is less Deliciously Ella and more…I don’t know, someone who eats too much.
As for the body image; the last time I truly, truly felt confident about my body was probably in about 2012 when I was working out like a maniac three times a week at the gym. I had to stop going to the gym when my work patterns changed completely and I couldn’t afford the gym membership, so I did try signing up for walking challenges but…well, you know. I’ve lost my fitness, gained squidge and it’s had an effect on how I see myself. Yeah, I scrub up alright on a good day but I’m not feeling confident.
To get me fired up for the Beyond Chocolate weekend, I thought I’d read both books again. I’ve just started getting into Beyond Temptation, which is the second book, and I read something that made me sit up and take notice.
“Food is the easiest way of getting instant gratification, or doing something nice for ourselves. Eating is the best way to take a break or have a rest without actually stopping. It’s a little window of pleasure in days that are otherwise filled with putting other people’s needs before our own…..That chocolate muffin is often the only way we know to look after ourselves without putting anyone out, letting anyone down, going out on a limb or saying no.”
That’s me! I’ll get a cake with the Tesco shop as a little treat because I’ve had to spend the time doing the food shopping online when I can’t really be arsed with it, and it’s my reward. I go backwards and forwards to the kitchen to overeat on food I don’t need because I don’t REALLY want to be writing that thing I’ve been asked to write, or I think the person asking me to write six blog posts by the end of the week but is paying me sod all for it is taking the p*ss…but it’s easier to distract myself from being stressed or put upon with a mouthful of Hob Nob than it is to get my Big Girl Knickers on and stand up for myself.
So anyway. I think (after I’ve put the washing out and done the washing up) that I’m going to use my work-free window this afternoon to treat myself. Not to a cake, but to an uninterrupted afternoon with the rest of the book. I deserve some me-time. I really think that it’s time I sorted it out.
If you want to get a deal on the Beyond Chocolate weekend, it’s on 25th – 26th October in London, and should be £390 for both days. They’ve already discounted £50, and if you use the discount code SARAHCLARK you get a further 10% off that, which brings it down to £306. And you’ll get to meet me too *blush*
The details are available on the New Workshops page of the Beyond Chocolate website.